This second post in “The Career-Family Connection: Finding Your Perfect Balance” series discusses communities soon-to-be parents might explore as they prepare to welcome a new baby (biological or adopted) into their family.
To start, let’s provide some context for this period of life:
Personal Transformation
Becoming a parent is an enormous shift on many levels: emotional, biological, social, financial, and logistical. This article about how pregnancy changes the brain shows a visualization of the brain of the parent giving birth through the three trimesters of pregnancy, as well as following delivery. Early in my journey, it was a relief to me to learn that how different I felt was not all in my imagination. Parents who do not give birth also undergo changes in the brain, optimizing their ability to nurture young children (see examples in this article).
Parental Leave Policy
Parental leave – the period in which a parent takes time away from work following birth or adoption – is different all around the world. In the United States, there is much variation across states (this article provides more information, including a visualization of the status of states’ paid family leave (PFL) laws). Other countries have programs at the federal level. For example, Sweden’s parental leave policy provides 480 days (240 days, or 34 weeks per parent).
Navigating these aspects of life and more is something we cannot do alone. The following forms of community can help provide that support in this season:
Workplace Community
Announcing a pregnancy or adoption can be delicate – how and when it is done in the professional context is to some degree a matter of personal preference. Different companies and organizations have different policies (e.g., who to contact, how much notice needs to be given, how to begin the paperwork, if leave can be taken intermittently or must be taken all at once, etc.). The process looks different if you are self-employed. An employee handbook and/or state-paid family medical leave (PFML) website are good places to start the process of planning parental leave.
Assuming a supportive workplace, this can be a valuable time to cultivate connections with colleagues. Some workplaces have affinity groups for parents. In the months leading up to my own parental leave, I found that opportunities to chat with other parents came up pretty naturally. Some had recently gone on parental leave, others had children in grade school, and adults. Connecting with parents in different seasons was very valuable and also new to me.
I found the connections I grew leading up to parental leave were helpful for many reasons:
- They provided a natural starting point to check in about timing for projects and transitioning work over (if applicable).
- I received valuable encouragement during an uncertain time and big life transition.
- When I returned to work from parental leave, those connections reached out and asked how I was doing. Years later, I no longer work at that organization but am still in touch with many former coworkers. Having conversations about our families helped grow those relationships.
- Observing how others supported me, I have a good sense of what kind of support someone in this season might need, and am excited to pay it forward whenever I have the chance.
Town/City Community
The months and weeks leading up to a parental leave period are an excellent time to connect with local parenting groups. Some programs may be held at local physical venues such as libraries, and many connections can be found through social media. For example, in Massachusetts, the Moms of Cambridge communities on Facebook serve Cambridge, Somerville, Arlington, and other nearby towns and cities.
Because parental leave policies vary so much, a local network can be a valuable resource. Soon-to-be parents can connect with others who are also planning their parental leaves. For example, they may be part of the same industry (e.g., higher education) or be delivering at the same hospital.
On a personal level, families with similar backgrounds (e.g., same-sex parents, bilingual families) can find each other to plan meetups or share resources.
Chatting with others who are not in this season, but recently were, can be very useful, as well. For example, you might find conversations by families who have recently returned to work and are discussing logistics such as their daycare dropoff and work commute routine, or pondering whether to shift to part-time work or step away from the workforce for a season (topics of future posts in this series).
A great feature of many social networks is the ability to post questions anonymously. This is useful if you do not want to disclose your pregnancy, employer, and other personal details. There are many sensitive topics (e.g., layoffs, medical diagnoses) that may be tricky to navigate. Often, folks are eager to be supportive, especially if they have navigated specific situations themselves.
When I joined a local group, I discovered that someone from my organization was due with a baby a few months after me. We met briefly at work, but I didn’t know her well as a coworker. She turned out to be a great support, and it was nice to know someone at work was going through the same steps. In my situation, I ended up having my baby early. I unexpectedly needed preemie-sized clothes – this parent had gone through something similar for her older child, and let us borrow several items of clothing.
Worldwide Community
Something I discovered well after I became a parent, but wish I did before I went on leave, is that there are organizations that publish statistics, policy news, and takeaways from studies related to parents in the workplace. Several years later, I discovered these via LinkedIn. Here are a few:
By following conversations at a greater scope, I’ve found it valuable to see my experience as part of something much bigger. Even though I felt alone in some ways leading up to the birth of my child, and preparing to go on parental leave, there are so many people who have been through it, and many who will soon go through the process. It’s inspiring to see the people who are so passionate about making parental leave and the career-family connection in general stronger and more nurturing for future generations.
In our next post, we will continue on this journey and explore how life may look (at home and work) for families as they settle into their new chapter as parents. We will highlight a variety of work and caregiving setups – made increasingly diverse by technology, and highly variable by field.
