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Recently Harvard Business School has been trying to make some important changes, but will women allow it?

HBS study

As a partial op-ed piece, I can understand and appreciate the way these women feel regarding their “social cap.”  Yet, it is baffling to me that women feel so undervalued without a partner.  Why is it that such feelings and sentiments occur in our overly privileged and educated society?  How can we change this?

I can understand that change takes time, but seriously, are we there yet?

I look forward to a world where young girls can emotional and societal freedom to chose whatever path suits her best without the worry of a “social cap.”

It is unfortunate to read things posted like this by the New York Times.  It is important to share this article with the greater population.  It is disgusting that yet another male academic has wielded his power to oppress a female student.  When will this stop?

McGinn resigns from the University of Miami.  

Dear de la Femme community,

Thank you for your support and participation since our inception in 2011.  We have recently decided to take a few months to specifically design a package of events that will begin in October of 2013.  These events will be focused on career advancement and women in the workforce.

This will not affect our blog articles and posted information on our website!

We look forward to seeing you at our next series of events!

Sincerely,

the de la Femme team

It has been of recent interest both in Australia and internationally regarding the ousting of the Prime Minister (now former), Julia Gillard.  Although Julia came to be the prime minister of Australia through non-voted means, her time has shown many successful policy implementations in the country including the advancement of education, disability care, and better environmental policies.  Through public polling and perhaps too much back-and-forth battling, Kevin Rudd has now resumed his initial Prime Minister seat.

Irrespective of the political decisions made within the country by both the government structures as well as by the people, I want to focus on Juila.  I also want to focus on the fact that Australia was able to see Julia, a woman, as a leader and a strong political figure.  She, like many great political women before her (e.g. Hillary Clinton, Margret Thatcher, Angela Merkel and etc.), fought hard for her country – but did she do enough to break down the barriers that women are faced with today?  Could policy have been changed to make things better?

What is that would really make women more accepted into society?  Is there such a thing?  Or will it be that we just need time and flattening of hierarchal structures that millenials continue to provide us with?  What does her removal of the prime minster’s seat and from politics mean for women in the future?

I have mulled through these sentiments for too much time.  I still don’t think that women are truly ready to accept themselves, but to also run aspects of this world in a way that can make society change its mind.  As women we are faced with many internal conflicts, some of which generate from societal bounds, but some of which we impose upon ourselves.  As women grow older we are faced with new questions.  How do we stay focused on our career?  How do we participate in relationships (friendships and partners)?  What is really important to each of us?  Some times things that we think are important (a career) takes a step down to an ailing parent, friends in need, the desire to build better communities as opposed to being wealthy.  And, if these things do begin to change us, why do we insist on playing in the world the way that men played before us?

I wish that Julia would have spent more time not on just empowering girls to grow up and become interesting and productive BUT to have put in policies that would have helped socieity to give these ladies some support.  The role of government is to realize what is best for its people and to build structures that incentivize people to change current societal rules.  And, because I hate vague suggestions, I will share with you what I would have liked to have seen.  Based on a ton of data, women tend to take a step back when they start having children (and perhaps before).  Why is this?  BECAUSE MAKING A BABY IS REALLY HARD WORK!  In the US women in the unskilled work force get 6 weeks.  I cannot imagine that a women’s body has even regained form by that time.  I digress.  Here in Australia women are afforded a considerable amount of time off (up to a year) BUT you still have to raise this child, and since we all can’t be like Marissa Mayer and build a nursery just next door to our office – we have to think how to change this.

It would have been great to see Julia build a plan that helps mothers and incentivizes fathers to be a part of their children’s lives.  That could have come in reduced/free childcare, forced paternity leave, greater flexibility in the days that we work (I mean, I could work a Saturday if I had to!).  Having babies is a BIG commitment and the role of the government is to help alleviate that burden on families and I think that women would fair better if they had the childcare support that they need.

It would be great to see this in the US, but since the policy in the US is far too conservative for such regulations to be imposed, I cannot see this being a likely phenomenon for decades to come (or perhaps more…).

A link to a NYT article on Julia Gillard HERE.

This year marks my 30th year of life.  I feel that I have done so many things since I was born, but with my jump into my 30s I have spent a great deal of time reflecting.  I noticed that my emotional position of career over family is starting to change.  I have now watched many mothers struggle with the day-to-day issues that young children bring (including, but not limited to, stripping naked and peeing all over the floor in a mater of miliseconds).   BUT, I feel that I am, for the first time, starting  to consider a family.  I can’t believe that I even have this idea, but I suspect over the course of the next few years I would begin to try for one (in whatever way that looks like).

I recognize that I have at least another decade of reproductivity (1), so I can continue to put off the decision to have children that most likely will consume, to some degree, my level of happiness (2).  But now new questions surface… how will I contend with the career that I have built?  How will my life change?  Will I need to give up my career?  Should I take a year off?  Would my employer support this?

Never do I consider my partner, or his feelings and sacrifices.  How will we do this together is probably a more suitable question.  BUT, it has been the burden of the women for so many years to be both a super mom and a power house in the office.  That task is incredibly daunting, and quite frankly, impossible.  I think that it is time that our society not only accepts, but embraces, a society where BOTH parents are participating in child rearing.

Recently, I came across two articles on this topic specifically around affordable childcare and how it helps to stabilize home economics.  I have been preaching this idea pretty much since I was 21, but it wasn’t until I moved to Australia that I realized that my idea is already a reality.  CHILDCARE IS SUBSIDIZED!  Affordable childcare provides families with the ability to manage their career and intrapersonal relationships without a HUGE financial burden.  This is great for both parents!!  (Check out both articles here: 3, 4).

So, as I move forward in my life, career, and family-oriented mindset I know that there are places my ideas have been realized.  I am not sure how I will manage children, relationships, and reality but I do know that continued support for affordable childcare in both the US and abroad is a top priority.

It has been a complete whirlwind moving across the world, but I have learned so many things.  If nothing else I have learned that success is NOT climbing up the corporate (or social ladder).  It is really about finding what makes your heart tick and your mind come alive.

It was inspiring to read Linda Descano’s post on “Metrics of Success“.  It helped me to better understand myself whilst preparing to set some actual standards for my own life and career path.  Your career is important, but don’t let it get in the way of having a full and wonderful life.

We at de la Femme support the balance between career and life choice.  If you have questions or are looking to join our group, please contact us at info delafemme.org.

Recently I read a short publication by McKinsey and Co. that looked into fortune 500 companies and “successful” women.  Of the companies analyzed,  only 12 met 3 out 4 of the criteria in their metric system (read it here).  This is not unusual.  We have all seen these types of statistics before — women in the C suite are a rarity today, but are they going to go extinct?

A bit of a dodo myself, I started out reaching for the top — dreaming of being a CEO, but then life began to change.  I learned that I am interested in all sorts of things, not just working 24/7 to climb the corporate ladder so that I can spend 100% of my time working with men and pretending to like things like golf or what happened in the most recent sporting event.  As it turns out, I am not alone.  It seems that many gen-y women feel similar to myself (read it here).

So what is it that has changed?  For me, it has been about integrating in a more relaxed culture and being exposed to the average worker.  It is really nice to sleep in and wake up in a house full of people, chatting with them, making food, eating food, and doing nothing but building greater emotional connections with the people around me.  If all I did was work, I would be isolated and would lack a strong emotional connection to the people and environment of which I am attempting to serve.

I look forward to working with women in my generation as well as current leaders to change the mentality of our culture so that women can make all sorts of different choices, but can still be heard.  I also look forward to working with men in helping them to become better fathers who will be granted the opportunity to be at home with their children for at least some part of their careers.

What would you do?  Do you think that this is a legitimate issues?  How can we as a society change it?

Recently I had the good fortune of visiting my boyfriend’s eldest sister and her family.  Other than having a lovely little boy (aged 2), her and her husband were both professionals who worked in the government and shared parental care during the week equally (well, nearly).   Basic breakdown of schedule: Monday and Tuesday, mom and dad went work and son went to daycare where Grandmom and Grandpop picked him up in the afternoons for a little play-time.  Wednesday, dad stayed home and even prepared dinner while mom went to work and put in extra hours.  Thursday and Friday, mom stayed home for some one-on-one time.  Both mom and dad worked hard to build their careers and their family as equal partners.

This was both amazing to me and perplexing.  Although I have seen other marriages/partnerships with somewhat equal duties, none to this extent.  Even in my own family, my mother carried the burden of cooking dinner every night, laundry, managing my brother and me, AND working hard in her profession as a guidance councilor.  Did my father do nothing?  No, he was great at so many things, but he was not the primary parent when it came to doing basic home “things.”   I thought about this for a long time — how I will I manage parenting and partnership?  How will I build a career, partnership, and a family?

The first thing I want to note is that Australia generally allows for more egalitarian parenting with the laws that are currently in place.  Most of these laws are not in place in the US.  Check out this great article in the NY times that discusses this in great detail here.  With that said, I want to know how we expect to move forward if these laws do not change?  How will we move forward in the US?  How will we make it possible for our little girls to grow up knowing that they don’t need to be supermom and have a high powered career AND that their male partners will know how to step up to that challenge of being truly equal in their parenting?  How will we make all of this possible?

These are important questions that I continuously spend time trying to know how I will help make it possible for little girls to grow up as true equals.  How will I do it personally, …professionally?  How will I contribute on a global scale?  What do you think?

Just today I was checking in with a blogger with whom I have mixed emotions, Penolope Trunk.  I originally liked Penelope Trunk’s advice, and sometimes I still do, but more and more I find that I do not necessarily agree.  [This is not to say that she is bad, in fact, her command of the English language is very much appreciated.]  Regardless, she had posted a recent blog article on the connection between March madness and workplace issues, including the wage gap and issues related to women.  In her post she cited an article that has since been removed, but I was able to recover from the Princetonian.

A alumna from 1977, Susan A. Patton, wrote a letter that encouraged young women to get married (and select from) their Princeton-attending male peers.   My first thought was defensive and quite honestly disgusted; however, she does make a fair point.  Generally speaking if your priority in life is to marry an ivy league counterpart and produce ivy league children — then YES! by all means should you select in college.  But like all decisions, there are consequences and I just wanted to list a few of the things that come to mind for me:

1. Not knowing yourself

2. Not enjoying multiple sexual partners

3. Not prioritizing your career or pursuing your interests in your own time

4. Not having the opportunity to live out your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s… etc. in a fashion that is your choice

There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting married young (or old) or having children (or not) at any age as long as you are doing what you think you want and living the life that you would like to live (without hurting others).   As you can imagine I did not opt to marry my high school/college sweetheart.  We both had a lot of “growing up to do” that required our separation.  Because I walked away from that relationship, I have enjoyed learning about me, traveling extensively, learning how to pick great friends, lovers, and overall how to be a better partner, teammate, and friend.  I have enjoyed learning what it means to be on your own and independent.  I have learned the kindness of strangers and I have gotten to live all over the world, just like I had imagined as a little girl.  Because I didn’t opt to be second to another’s life when I was younger “just because there were more to choose from” I have had the pleasure of learning how to live with myself everyday until I no longer live on this earth.

Being a woman is a tough job and there is no right way to do it.  DLF advocates for helping women at all stages and throughout all decisions that each woman will face throughout their lives and careers!